Pulling Away
by J.D. Cunegan
Summary: Post-Headhunters AU: Kate Beckett decides to confront Richard Castle's strange behavior once and for all, in her own unique way. One-shot.


Kate Beckett hadn't asked Richard Castle to ride along with her so much as demanded it. Given his recent behavior, given the tension between them, Kate decided this needed to be dealt with, and dealt with now.

But given how deep, interpersonal communications were still an issue for her, she decided it was best to do so with a buffer of sorts. Castle and she would have the talk they so desperately needed to have, but they would do it on her terms.

At first, he figured they were going to a crime scene – after all, where else would they be going? But every time he asked about where they were going, or what gruesome display awaited them, Kate chewed on her lower lip and kept quiet. She responded to one question by mashing the accelerator and pushing through an intersection just as the light went red, suppressing a smile when Castle yelped and reached for the dashboard.

When he cringed because of the spring in his seat, she allowed herself a small grin, making sure to glance at the side mirror so he wouldn't see.

But when the car came to stop in its parking stall, when they got out and Castle saw that this was another NYPD-affiliated building – albeit one he'd never seen before – he grew even more suspicious. He leaned his elbows against the roof of the car, arching a brow.

"Beckett, what are we doing?"

She walked toward the entrance without looking back at her partner, nerves giving way to the same steely focus she employed every time she ducked under yellow crime scene tape. She tugged on the door before stopping to glance back at Castle. He was still standing at the car, looking at her with confusion and dread in his eyes.

She rolled hers, waving her arm. "Come here and find out."

For someone who loved mysteries, Castle wasn't being a very good sport about this. Then again, he hadn't been a good sport about much of anything lately. Not since they wrapped up the bombing case. He'd distanced himself, started falling back on old habits – habits that annoyed her when they first met.

Eventually, Castle was by her side again, like he had been so often these past four years, but she could feel the tension between them as they stood in the elevator. It was almost like a buffer between them; Kate half-expected to be pushed away from him by some invisible force if she tried getting closer to him.

Her heart pounded in her chest. She glanced at him, noting how he stared straight ahead, jaw clenched. Worry was etched into his blue eyes, but he was trying not to let anything show.

The elevator dinged, and the pair stepped off in-sync. Kate gave a polite nod to the receptionist, a young girl named Naomi. "Hi. Detective Beckett, here for my 2:45."

Namoi smiled before her eyes flicked over to the man standing behind Kate. She shot the detective a questioning glance, but when she got just a nod in response, she picked up the receiver to her phone and pressed a button.

"Yes, Doctor. Your 2:45 is here."

Kate glanced at Castle when Naomi mentioned the word "doctor" and saw him frown. Castle didn't look back at her, but she could see the wheels turning in his head. The fact that Kate was seeing a therapist was one of the many things she hadn't told Castle in the months since her shooting, though if she were pressed, she wouldn't be able to say why.

Which, come to think of it, was true for a lot of the things she'd kept from her partner.

Naomi smiled again. "Go on in. He's ready for you."

Kate started toward the door, stopping when she noticed Castle staying still. She rolled her eyes and rested her left hand on the doorknob. "Castle." He flinched when she said his name, focusing on her just in time to see her nod toward the door. "C'mon."

The pair walked into the office of Dr. Carvin Burke, and like the dependable man that he was, Dr. Burke sat in his chair, right leg crossed over his left, pen tucked into his right hand and a pad of paper resting on the arm of the chair. Kate gave Dr. Burke a sheepish smile before taking her seat on the arm on the sofa across from him.

Castle stood by the door, hands tucked into the pockets of his coat.

"Kate." Dr. Burke nodded once, but kept his expression neutral. "I didn't realize you were bringing a guest. Am I to assume this is—"

"Richard Castle." Kate affirmed with a nod. "My partner."

_I think._

Castle nodded once at Dr. Burke before turning his attention to Kate. "You didn't tell me you were seeing a therapist." There was no surprise in his tone; after all, there was no telling what else she'd been keeping from him.

By itself, the fact that she didn't tell him about seeing a doctor was no big deal. But on top of the fact that she had lied to him about not remembering the day she'd been shot – and who knew what else – Castle was clearly struggling to keep his anger at bay, and Kate swallowed when she thought she saw his arms shaking, as if the hands in his pockets had balled into fists.

"Yeah, well…" She heaved a weary sigh, looking at Dr. Burke again. "That's sort of why we're here."

Dr. Burke nodded once. "Mr. Castle, please. Have a seat."

Without a word, Castle did just that, sitting at the opposite end of the sofa from Kate, straightening the coat around him and staring straight ahead. She shook her head and looked at her hands, which were cradled in her lap. If he hadn't been mad at her before – and he had been – he was really mad now.

Dr. Burke cocked his head sideways. "Kate, if I'm reading Mr. Castle's face correctly, I'm assuming you didn't tell him you were bringing him here."

"No."

"Why?"

Castle finally spoke up. "Yeah. Why?"

Kate sucked in a ragged breath, focusing solely on Dr. Burke. The entire reason she brought Castle with her was because she wanted a buffer from his anger. She was hoping Dr. Burke would serve as a mediator of sorts. He was already familiar with the tension between them, and she secretly hoped he would step in if the talk went as badly as she feared.

"Because I wasn't sure you'd agree to come if I told you." She shrugged. "Frankly, I'm surprised you answered the phone when I called."

Castle stared straight ahead. "I thought a body had dropped."

Dr. Burke kept the same neutral expression on his face he always wore. Kate often wondered if that was how he was out of the office as well: stoic, observant, choosing to sit back and let everything unfold around him instead of jumping in and getting his hands dirty. She had to admit, that sort of life sounded appealing.

"Question for you, Mr. Castle." Dr. Burke sat up a little straighter. "Why do you continue to shadow Detective Beckett?"

Castle blinked and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Kate held her breath while she waited for his answer; the question clearly threw him off-guard, so much so that he wasn't even falling back on the crutch of humor like he so often did.

The writer sat in silence for so long that Kate wondered if he had even heard the question, but soon enough, Castle leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Book research."

Kate felt a twisting pain in her chest when the words escaped from his mouth.

"I don't buy it." Was there a half-smile on Dr. Burke's face? "You've shadowed Kate for, what, almost four years now? Mr. Castle, pardon me for being presumptuous, but I think you have enough research for 50 books by now."

Kate scoffed. "I bet Slaughter gave you enough for an entire trilogy."

Castle cringed. "Let's not talk about Slaughter, okay?"

Dr. Burke cleared his throat. "Actually, I think Slaughter is a perfect topic to start this conversation. Mr. Castle…after all these years of shadowing Detective Beckett, why would you suddenly decide to shadow another detective? And don't say research, because I'm still not buying it."

Kate smiled inwardly, though she was secretly jealous of Dr. Burke's ability to call Castle on his bullshit. Kate didn't have it in her to do it – at least, not to do it in such a way that wouldn't push Castle further away than he was already. Again, she found herself holding her breath.

Castle turned to look at Kate, seeing that she was staring at her hands. He sighed and cursed under his breath. "Fine." He clenched his jaw again, and the look in his eyes made Kate flinch. She'd only seen that look once before…the night before she'd been shot, when they had a fight and she kicked him out of her life.

"I know you lied to me, Kate."

The words hit Kate like a fist to the gut, and she doubled over briefly in an attempt to get back the breath that had been pushed out of her lungs. _He knew_. How could he know? _Of course he knew_. He noticed things. Always had. Noticing things was his specialty.

Or maybe…no. No, he couldn't have. When?

"You were interrogating a suspect in the bombing case." Castle's voice was distant, matter-of-fact. He'd returned his gaze to Dr. Burke. Kate swallowed back fear and bile as he spoke. "I walked into the observation room…just in time to hear you tell the suspect that you remembered everything about the day you were shot."

"Oh god…"

Her voice was barely a whisper, and she wondered if either of the men in the room had even heard it. She clutched her hands to her chest, feeling the bump of the scar hidden beneath her crème-colored turtleneck. She stood and began absently pacing back and forth, running shaky fingers through her amber locks.

"Kate?"

Dr. Burke's voice almost didn't register, but she stopped pacing and looked up at him.

"What is it?"

She swallowed again, forcing herself to look at Castle. The anger in his eyes was gone, replaced with a sadness and resignation. It was as if he knew what was coming, and had spent the past couple weeks bracing himself for the inevitable. It was the most pathetic and broken she had ever seen him.

"It makes sense now." She shook her head. "Jacinda. The eagerness to get out of the precinct. The distance. The serious, knowing looks you'd throw at me. Slaughter…" Kate took her seat on the arm of the sofa again, her hands on her knees.

"You're pulling away from me."

Kate had her suspicions to this point, but to have them confirmed like this – and finding out why – she suddenly felt as if she might revisit that morning's coffee at any moment.

"Is that true, Mr. Castle?"

"There are a lot of things we never talk about." Castle shrugged. "Part of that's my fault. But Kate…you've never let me in. Early on, I understood, but…" He sighed, standing and starting to pace. His energetic nature was adorable most of the time, but right now, Kate wished he would just sit back down.

"After everything we've been through together? Kate, I've lost count of how many times we've almost died. Of how many times we've…drifted apart and yet, we've always found our way back. Always."

Kate flinched, tore her eyes from him before forcing herself to look at him again.

"I thought you trusted me, Kate. I thought we had something."

"We _do_ have something, Rick."

Dr. Burke interjected. "And what is that?"

"I…" Kate closed her mouth and frowned. Words were suddenly impossible to come by. She thought being in Dr. Burke's office would help in that regard, but she was just as lost now as she would've been if they were having this talk in her apartment or his loft.

Castle shook his head. "You don't feel the same way." He turned to give Dr. Burke a sad smile, though he noticed the therapist gave no reaction. "It's fine, Kate. Really."

Kate looked at Castle in confusion and anger. "What?! You think—"

"That's why you didn't tell me, right?" Castle shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his hands back into the pockets of his coat. "Because you didn't feel the same way?"

She rolled her eyes, standing. "No, I kept quiet because your timing sucks!"

Castle blinked and recoiled, swallowing. "Josh…"

"No, not Josh!" Kate grabbed at the lapels of Castle's coat, twisting the fabric in her fists and gritting her teeth before pushing him away. "Not Josh, not Demming, not Gina, not anyone! I was _dying_, Castle!"

She sniffled, her lower lip quivering as her eyes grew red and watery. "I was _dying_! Do you have…_any_ idea what it's like to lie there and gasp what you think is your final breath?! Then to have those…those _words_ thrown at me when I can barely breathe, let alone respond?!"

Castle had retreated behind Dr. Burke's chair, and both men watched on in silence.

"Dammit, Castle!" She shook her head and sank herself into the sofa, burying her face in her hands and letting out a ragged sob. Her shoulders hunched and bobbed up and down, her cries filling the room.

Minutes passed until Kate's sobs gave way to quieter, less powerful cries, and she sucked in a deep breath, glancing out the window. Her eyes were red and puffy, and every once in a while, she brushed a thumb under her eyes to swat away a stray tear.

Castle swallowed and emerged from behind Dr. Burke's chair. "Kate…" He slowly approached, dropping to a knee once he was in front of Kate and tentatively taking one of her hands into his. She flinched but didn't relent, and he started rubbing his thumb in circle over her hand.

"I…I said it when I did because…" His voice shook. "I thought you were dying, and I didn't want you to go before I had a chance to tell you how I felt."

She shook her head and sniffled. "That's stupid, Castle."

He offered a sad smile. "Please. Like that's the first time I've ever done something stupid."

Kate huffed and actually smiled at that before sniffling and wiping at her face again. Castle reached out to brush away a tear as well, and though she stiffened at his touch, she didn't withdraw. Her hand was still in his.

Castle sat next to Kate on the sofa, the distance between them much closer than it had been earlier, and he was pleasantly surprised when she leaned over to place her head on his shoulder. Castle froze for a moment, glancing down to make sure he wasn't imagining things.

Dr. Burke set down the pen, clasping his hands together. "Kate."

She sniffled and looked up at Dr. Burke.

"Do you love him?"

Kate tried not to roll her eyes. Dr. Burke already knew the answer to that; he was just asking for Castle's benefit. Then again, this _was_ sort of why she dragged him to this week's session. They had things to iron out, and one of those things – whether she wanted to admit it or not – was her feelings for Castle.

She sat up, turning so she faced Castle, taking her hand into his again. She looked up at him, and even through the fog of her watery eyes, she could see all of the emotion in his. She got lost in his eyes for a moment, before swallowing and stealing a glance at his lips.

"Yeah." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "Yeah, I do."

This time, her thumb ran circles over his hand. "I love you, Rick."

The smallest of smiles crept onto Castle's face, and he gave her hand a squeeze. "I love you, Kate."

Dr. Burke couldn't keep from laughing and shaking his head. "See what happens when you communicate?"


End file.
